As of April 8th I am no longer with my husband Brett. The last argument we had was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. There were several lies that were admitted to me less than two weeks after we got married. I tried to let them go but my trust was broken. It takes time to heal trust and I tried to let it heal and let it go. There were other lies over the next few months like; he was in the “Floor Mentor Program” at work. Usually when you get some kind of promotion you get a raise along with that promotion. When I brought this up to him a few days later, he confessed that he had lied about it. This lie comes after I had already asked him to always be honest after he told me the truth about the first lies. So once again my trust was broken. On approximately Feb 8th I picked up his phone to show him how to use the bank website to transfer money from one account to another. When I opened the browser it was a porn site he had been looking at. When I asked him about it he said “I don’t know how it got on there.” We argued over it for a while and I just dropped it for the time being. Two days later I took the pregnancy test, and it was positive. Seeing as we were about to have a baby and had been trying for a couple of months I thought everything was good until my heart was shattered by another lie. I asked him again about the porn site on his phone the night we told home group about the baby and he admitted he was looking at it and he had lied to me again. I told him this then and I will tell you this now, My heart was broken into a million pieces. Again I wasn’t good enough for anyone. My body was no longer attractive. Since then it was fight after fight after fight. We could never seem to get along no matter how much I kept my mouth shut.
There was a time where I considered leaving before it got to this point. I can’t remember the exact date, but it was during a “Rocky Relationships” series at our church. Brett woke up at his normal time for work and was complaining about having to get up so early. I told him “there are so many people who would love to have to get up and go to work in the morning so stop complaining.” Maybe not the nicest thing to say but it’s the truth (I can be very blunt and straight forward, sometimes to a fault). He proceeded to argue with me the whole time he was getting ready for work. At one point he again broke my heart. He said “nothing good ever happens to me.” I told him “I am laying here pregnant with your baby, I am your wife, yet nothing good ever happens to you?” Later that day he asked my friend/sister Shiela for advice and she told him “You need to think before you speak.” This was basically the same thing anyone who knows me would say; my family and the majority of my friends anyway. He turned around after she gave him this advice because he asked for it and told her to “leave me alone.” She of course got upset and told him no wonder I was questioning our relationship. It was after this exchange and him being sent home from work for being emotionally distraught that I called 911 to get him help. He was banging his head on the front door and talking about the knives in the kitchen. He was allowed to leave the house in his own car and told to cool off. He went to the church and I went to the court house to learn about annulment and divorce in the state of Idaho. He asked me to come to the church because he was going to get baptized and wanted me to be part of it. I agreed and headed to the church. I walked past everyone and went straight to him, I told him I would stay under one condition “Marriage Counseling” and he immediately said yes to this. I believe this was the same night that we asked a couple of friends for help. They referred to the church and said we should get marriage counseling when we had dinner with them the next week. They then paid for the Marriage Seminar that we never went to because I was not feeling well. Well the next day he called the church and I thought we were on our way to marriage help. I told him it was his responsibility to get it set up because it was the only thing I wanted him to do for us at the time. He never tried to call them again and the only time we ever heard anything from that point on was from the friends that recommended it.
The final argument was April 5th at about 10 at night. I had forgotten to get the money order for rent that day and realized it at about that time. I was getting up because this was my mistake so I could find a way to get the money order. He had gotten dressed and went downstairs but I followed and I asked him to just go back to bed and let me deal with it. He refused and would not let me leave the house, no matter how I tried to get around him he would just get in my way. I began to feel unsafe and decided that I was just going to go back upstairs and worry about it in the morning before the office opened. He followed me upstairs and then went back downstairs a minute later. I waited a minute then went to go down the stairs for a second time only to find him in the kitchen and ready to stop me again. I felt threatened and angry, so I sat down on the top of the stairs and tried to have a calm discussion with him. He accused me at some point that I was going to leave him even though I had never said anything about that or even to that effect in this particular discussion. He came up the stairs and I told him back off because I was angry and didn’t want to hurt him or push him down the stairs. (I know my temper and my limits.) He refused and spouted off that the one time I called the cops before that they told him I have abuse on my record and that if I left him I would probably have an abortion any way. This once again broke my heart and I could no longer take it. I walked into the bedroom again with him following me and shouting at me until he backed me in a corner. I tried to get around him and finally had to threaten to call 911 to get him to let me out. He followed me down stairs and got in front of the only hallway area out of the living room, while I was putting on my shoes. I tried to go over the couch and he just walked in front of the door to block me. I once again threatened 911 and he finally got out of my way. I went to Wal-mart to find that the money center was closed and I wasn’t going to be able to get the money order that night any way. I started to hurt so I headed to the hospital and told the nurse what had happened. She asked me if I felt safe at home and for the first time in my life I actually had to say no. I learned that night that there is no reason the cops would disclose any of my past record unless they were arresting me, so once again I knew he had lied. (All be it I knew that it wasn’t true seeing as you have to go to court for any charges brought against you.) I was so hurt and confused I had no idea how to deal with it. I chose not to talk about it with him all day the next day and try to give me some time to let it process. All I asked him to do was answer two questions for me.
1) Why would he say something like that about me having abuse on my record knowing that it wasn’t true?
2) Why would he ever tell me I would have an abortion knowing my feelings and the past with my daughter?
I tried to leave it at that and he didn’t answer me. I don’t remember too much more about that night, I think we watched a movie instead of going to CR, until we went to bed. I asked him if he had an answer to my questions. He reluctantly answered me telling me that he once again lied to me about what the cops “said” and he didn’t know why. I don’t remember getting a clear answer to the second question. My heart was not just broken now but it was shattered and all over the floor being stomped on. There were some raised voices on both ends and I just said hell with it I’m going to sleep. The next day, he came home from the library and I even then tried to not talk to him about it. I was on the phone with a friend and because of all the past lies and lack of commitment I spoke up about the GED book he brought home. I said something to the effect that “it’s just going to wind up sitting on the table and back at the library in a week or two.” I know this wasn’t nice but there wasn’t much I could do to take it back. He stormed out of the house with his books and went to a friend’s house. From there I ate dinner and then went to Home Group. I left early because I wasn’t feeling well and sadly it had nothing to do with the pregnancy. I couldn’t even stand to be in the same room with him anymore and I knew there was no way I could allow his behaviors and actions to continue to be part of my life.