Lesson 1: Denial

It is here that I will begin to address my denial and work through principal one and step one.


Disables our feelings

Energy lost

Negates growth

Isolates us from God

Alienates us from our relationships

Lengthens the pain

Write about it …

1. What areas of your life do you have power (control) over? Be Specific.

* I have control over the choices I make on a daily basis.

2. What areas of your life are our of control, unmanageable? Be Specific.

* Everything seems to be out of control right now. I have no idea if Brett wants anything to do with his child. He knows I am high risk and it seems like he doesn’t care.

3. How do you think taking this step will help you?

*It takes the responsibility I feel for his actions off of me. “I didn’t make him make the choices he made!” I will be able to move on from my past and stop beating myself up. I will also be able to stop hiding from the pain I feel, and stop feeling the shame and the guilt he made me feel with his actions.

4. As a child, what coping skills did you use to get attention or to protect yourself?

* I looked for others to accept me. I acted out in ways that would get my sisters in trouble. I would often hear my mom say “Why can’t you be more like Vanessa?” I was the goodie goodie of the family. I was always trying to get the best grades in school. I would rarely miss school because I felt safety there from all the drugs and abuse in the house.

5. In your family of origin, what was the “family secret” that everyone was trying to protect?

* When I was a kid it was my mom was a practicing Pagan and then her drugs and drinking that she tried to hide from my grandmother but I always keep grandma in the know about things that were going on. Other than that I think we were a pretty open family once I turned 16 or so.

6. How do you handle pain and disappointment?

* I cry with my teddy bear “Berry” and when I am capable I will talk about it with people that are close to me, sometimes I will shout and scream, sometimes I hide it away until I can no longer hold it in, and now and again I try to pray over it but I still suck at that part.

7. How can you begin to address your denial?

* I am pretty sure I am not in denial anymore. I seem to identify the issues and try to allow myself to feel the emotions that go with those issues. I have done this book twice before so I have learned that denial gets me nowhere so its useless to try!

8. In what areas of your life are you now beginning to face reality and break the effects of denial?

* I am learning to allow myself to feel the emotions of my problems and issues instead of detaching from them and just being able to talk about it without being overly emotional. I don’t so much care how emotional I get anymore because there is TRUE healing in tears!

9. Are you starting to develop a support team? Are you asking for phone numbers in your meetings?

* I have several people in my support team and I have a list of numbers in my phone marked as my favorite contacts!