In this lesson I begin to realize that there is hope for my situation and begin to work principal two and step two.
Openness to change
Power to change
Expect to change
Write About It …
1. Before taking this step, where were you trying to find hope?
* I was trying to find hope in a new marriage, a new family, a new start. I was trying to form new relationships on half truths, partial feelings, and saying what people wanted to hear.
2. What do you believe about God? What are some of his characteristics?
* I believe God is loving, patient, forgiving, caring, and that he wants me to come to Him for healing. I believe he knows all but chooses to limit his knowledge so that we go to Him with our issues. I believe he tosses my sins away when I confess them to Him and never uses them against me for any reason.
3. How are you feelings for your heavenly Father and your earthly father alike? How do they differ?
* I’m not sure of my feelings towards my earthly father. Sometimes he is my daddy and other days he happens to be the guy who knocked up my mom. I tried two years ago to rekindle my relationship with him but I feel that he chose to ignore my efforts even when I moved up to Oregon. I know I want a relationship with him but I don’t think he wants a relationship with me, and while that hurts I have no control over him. As far as my heavenly Father, I already have a relationship with Him. I love both of them and I know that some day God will change my dads heart to want a relationship with me. I can trust God but I don’t know if I can trust my dad. I feel safe in Gods arms because He is and will always be there for me.
4. How can your relationship with your higher power, Jesus Christ, help you step out of your denial and face reality?
* I can ask Him to show me the areas of my life where I may still be in denial and trust that not only will He show me but He will help me deal with the feelings and emotions that come with the things He shows me. He will always be there no matter how much I try to run away from Him.
5. In what areas of your life are you now ready to let God help you?
*I want Him to help me push past all the walls I have built around my heart and to learn to love and be loved in a genuine manner. I want to learn how to accept that others accept me the way I am and that I don’t have to be okay and they will still love and accept me the way I am. I want to stop trying to be the perfect person for everyone and just be me the way God created me.
6. What things are you ready to change in your life? Where can you get the power to change them?
* I want to learn how to express and feel my emotions. I don’t like that I learned to hide them from the people that love me. I used to keep a “mask” on and say I was doing okay or fine even though I was dying inside from all the abuse and neglect in my life. I know that God can give me the power to stop hiding and start sharing and feeling the way he designed me as a woman.