“In regards to your request to see the boys – I appreciate you asking early and I appreciate your willingness to be okay with our answer as we consider what is the best for the boys. At this point we have determined it would not be in their best interest to have a visit with you in December. Their therapist has said they are doing well and we thank God for that, so we haven’t needed to see her in quite a while now. We know it’s key for them to establish a solid secure life in the place they are at now. This situation is different then other situations – like for example divorce – where it is healthy to establish and continue to work on relationships with all parents involved. Our goal through this adoption is to provide for them something that shows them that adoption is forever. They are still very young, though its been over a year they are still figuring things out with us and still processing the past – especially with the many transitions they’ve endured. As you know, they went through a lot of change in their very early years. We are working hard to show them that we are providing for them a consistent, safe, permanent healthy place for them to be. So at this point we believe it is best to keep the contact you have with the boys to letters and pictures and through your conversations with us. We plan on keeping your letters, cards and all for them so that they can have your thoughts, words, etc. for many years to come. Also, we have refrained from saying much about the baby you are expecting. As you know, they are aware of your pregnancy, but we can tell it is a lot for them to process – it’s a lot for an adult to process. We don’t want them to be hurt and struggle with the “whys” of the situation as it is very complex, so we’ve decided that its better for them to not know much more about it at this point. We hope and pray you can understand our decision. We know you are excited about this little one – and we pray for you and for Gavin and all that God has in store for your future. Please know that God has put you in my heart, so I care for you very much. When you pray for someone, you develop a love for that person. I really do believe God has given me a loving heart for you. I just have to put the boys first, even above myself.”
What worries me most is that she says in one sentence that they seem to be having a hard time processing the information but earlier in the email she states that they haven’t been to see the therapist in quite a while. Wouldn’t it make sense to take them to the therapist if they are having trouble processing the information? I mean it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out does it? Part of me feels its a selfish choice on her part and it will backfire in the years to come when the boys read all the emails between us. They will be able to make their own choices and come to their own conclusions about it all and I have no doubt that they will see right through her attempt to “protect” them.