Lesson 10: Spiritual Inventory Part 1

In this lesson I begin to learn about how my actions have affected others and myself. I begin to work on Principal 4 and Step 4.

 

Relationship

Priorities In Life

Attitude

Integrity

 

Write About It:

1. Relationship with others

  • Who has hurt me? (Go as far back as I can). How did they specifically hurt me?

    • Brett: physically, emotionally and sexually abused me, lied to me, forced me to have sex with him, looked at pornography and then he denied it when I had proof in front of me.
    • Matt: Physical and emotional affairs with others

  • Who am I holding a grudge against? (Seeking Revenge?)

    • Brett
    • Matt
    • Sisters
    • Dad
    • Mom
    • Gwen

  • Who am I Jealous of? (Past & Present) Why?

    • Melissa (sister) Got more attention from my mom when I was a kid.
    • Miranda (sister) Got more attention from my mom when I was a kid.
    • Rosie & Rodney they have my boys and are raising them.

  • Who have I hurt? How did I hurt them?

    • Jorin – lied to everyone about being raped and he was taken from me.
    • Xander – lied to everyone about being raped and he was taken from me.
    • Matt – lied to him, ran away when he wanted me to stay and so much more.
    • Mom –  didn’t talk to her for two years
    • Dad – ran away from him when he opened up to me in 2008
    • Shiela – took my anger out on her when it wasn’t her fault

  • Who have I been critical of? Gossiped about? Why?

    • Mom – critical the way she treats others and her actions especially her drinking
    • Matt – critical of him especially his “English” skills
    • Self – critical of my image and self-esteem
    • Brett – critical of his lack of education
    • Shiela – critical of how she treats her kids

  • How have I attempted to place the blame on someone else? (Be Specific!)

    • Need to pray over this one … New answer to come soon!!!

  • What new healthy relationships have I developed since I have been in recovery?

    • Matt and I are not new but our relationship is a lot healthier now than it was in the beginning.
    • My sponsor & accountability partners
    • My mom and I are getting healthier because I am expressing things to her and setting boundaries and expecting her to follow them.

2. Priorities In Life

  • What areas of my life have I been able to turn over to Jesus Christ?

    • Need to pray over this one … New answer to come soon!!!

  • After acting on Principle 3, What areas of my life am I still not putting God First? Why not?

    • Self image issues – I need to see what god sees not what other people see.
    • my family issues – not relying on god to show me how to deal with my issues.
    • Why? … probably because I have trust issues and don’t trust God to help me with them.

  • What in my past is keeping me from seeking and following God’s will for my life?

    • I am simply being lazy about it. I need to make the commitment to explore and try to learn what His will is for me and choose to follow it as best as I can with His help and guidance.

  • Number the following list in order of my personal priorities …

    • This is how it is …

      • 1 … family
      • 2 … friendships
      • 3 … Christ
      • 4 … church
      • 5 … ministry
      • 6 … career
      • 7 … money

    • This is how I would like it to be …

      • 1 … Christ
      • 2 … family
      • 3 … church
      • 4 … friendships
      • 5 … ministry

      • 6 … career

      • 7 … money

  • What are my personal goals for the next 90 days? (Keep it simple!)

    • Finish my inventory and share it with my sponsor by December 15
    • Continue to nurse Gavin and not allow the postpartum depression to take over
    • Find more time for my CR questions
    • Get all my college financial aid issues straightened out
    • Catch up on posting my CR lessons on this blog

3. Attitude:

  • What areas of my life am I thankful for?

    • My salvation in Jesus, the grace God gives me no matter what my faults are, my recovery and sobriety, Gavin is a happy and healthy little boy, I have a home to live in, bills are paid, a car to get around in, my CR friends, my sponsor who challenges me and gives me things to think about when I am struggling with reality and how i want things to be, Matt because he loves me for me & my accountability partners!

  • In the past what things have I been ungrateful over?

    • I have been ungrateful for Matt and the unconditional love and support he has given me, past jobs, my health, my son because he is a miracle and a blessing, Rosie & Rodney because they adopted Jorin & Xander and the contact they have given me, making it through my pregnancy, my mom and the things she tried to provide me, the times I got in trouble and had to deal with the consequences myself. The 21 day challenge helped me to be grateful for even the little things in my life.

  • What causes me to lose my temper?

    • I have a short fuse but here are a few items: broken promises, people who use the wrong word repeatedly even after being corrected, when someone doesn’t listen to what I say (not advice wise but in conversation, people who try to tell me how to raise my son, people who make insensitive comments, people who treat their kids like they are garbage or replaceable, people who interrupt me when I am talking/sharing my thoughts, things don’t go the way I thought or planned, Matt when he insults himself, Brett just cause he is a jerk, politics, my cat when she meows at 2 am and wakes up Gavin & slow people (ex: drive 30 mph in a 45 mph zone).

  • To whom have I been sarcastic to in the past? (Give Examples!)

    • I am having trouble stepping out of denial when it comes to sarcasm. I would have to say there are several people I have been sarcastic to, my ex’s (David & Brett), Matt, my mom, my sisters, & certain friends. I know part of why I am having issues with the denial is that I minimize due to the abuse I have suffered in the past. An example: When I sat down to answer this question I asked Matt to look up the word ‘sarcasm’ and he asked me how to spell it … my response was “Seriously?” This was definitely sarcastic!!!

  • What in my past am I still worried about?

    • I am worried about making amends for the things I have done in the past, the emotional damage Jorin & Xander have suffered due to my lies and actions, how the past with Gavins biological father affect him and how I raise him.

  • How has my attitude improved since I have been in recovery?

    • I have learned that its okay to not be okay and that I don’t have to let people walk all over me. I set boundaries and I uphold them instead of compromising just to make others happy. I do my best to be honest with others instead of hiding things. I know I have a long way to go but I’m doing this one day at a time!

4. Integrity

  • In the past how have I exaggerated to make myself look good? (Give Examples!)

    • I’m not sure I did this as a child but I know I have done it as an adult. I did it on my resume in the form of length of time at a job, hobbies and interests of mine with past relationship partners and amount of money I made at certain jobs. I feel like I actually minimized things more than exaggerated them as a child.

  • Does my walk as a Christian match my talk? Are my actions the same at recovery meetings, church, home & work?

    • I feel like my actions mostly match my talk. It is an everyday struggle to keep it that way but I do try to be the same person in public as I am at home. I am always trying to be myself no matter the situation.

  • In what areas of my past have I used false humility to impress someone?

    • Need to pray over this one … New answer to come soon!!!

  • Have any of my past business dealings been dishonest? Have I ever stolen things?

    • Yes they have been. I lied on resumes to get jobs. I stole things when I was a child. It was anything from a pack of gum at the gas station to money and valuables from other people. At 8, I stole money and candy from a vacation bible school at the Baptist church in my home town. At 10(?) I took money from the local Museum. At 15 I took about $300 and a bunch of CD’s from a youth group cause I was angry with them.

  • List the ways I have been able to get our of my denial (distorted/dishonest thinking) into God’s truth.

    • Need to pray over this one … New answer to come soon!!!

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