More About Me

The first 3 years of my life were spent in Oregon and Texas with my mother & real father. When I was in first grade my father began abusing me and my sisters. He beat us twice, I don’t remember the first one but I sure remember the second one. The first my mother didn’t know about and the second she only found out about because of the school. She packed us up and moved us away from him immediately.

When I was 6, my mom remarried a guy named Lubin and about 6 months into the marriage he began to abuse us as well but my mother allowed it this time. Maybe because it wasn’t the way my father did but I don’t know. I went to school and was teased all the time because I wasn’t in the same financial class as everyone else, we were poor and it showed.

When I was 11, I went to spend a summer with my real father. I found he had quit drinking completely and had changed dramatically. I wanted to go back and live with him for a school year. That school year just before Christmas break my mother said “Okay, I’ll send you for second semester and the summer you can stay as long as you want.”

I was ecstatic, but when I got there I found he was drinking again, not that much but he was. He had built a room for me on to his house and I stayed there until spring break when he said “I have to have surgery on my neck and I didn’t want you here taking care of me, you need to be a kid.” He put me on a plane and Lubin picked me up from the airport in Albuquerque, NM.

We drove back to Colorado and I was once again home with my mom. The same week I got back I found my mom and sisters in her room doing cocaine. I ran out of the house devastated. Not only did my father return to being an alcoholic but now my mother was doing drugs as well.

We moved to Gallup NM. within a week of that day. We lived in a really cruddy kitchenette hotel room and both my parents and sisters continued to do drugs. I finished 7th grade in NM and we moved back to Colorado. The summer brought more drugs and more fights and violence. My mom and sisters got into some really big fights and I saw my mom beat several times by Lubin.

The summer between my 8th and 9th grade my mom got busted and finally went to rehab. I finished 8th and 9th grade in Del Norte, CO. When I started 10th grade and my mom decided it was time to move yet again. Lubin wanted to go to school in Colorado Springs. My mom went up in the beginning of September of 2000 and left me with my sister to finish the quarter. In October, I moved up to Colorado Springs with mom and Lubin. I finally had a chance to start over and make new friends, and I did.

I went to my first class where I met a guy named Israel. He took me to my classes and to lunch and introduced me to the group I hung out with throughout the rest of my high school years. That is where I met David. He made some off the wall rude comment, so I smacked him in the side with my cast. We had a good laugh and became friends.

In the summer following my sophomore year my mom took a 13 foot fall at her job. She turned to alcohol to relieve her pain. She lost her job because of the pain she was always in. August brought the biggest fight between Lubin and mom I had ever seen. I literally saw him pick her up and throw her in the tub. They were of course drunk. I grabbed the phone and called 911. That was the last time he was allowed in the house unless an officer was with him. Of course my mom filed for divorce and he didn’t fight her.

Mom went through a few guys and found Craig (Papa). Now Papa was different from all the other guys, he never laid a hand on my mother but we had to call ambulance after ambulance for him. He always hurt himself, never my mom. My mom had moved out of the apartment we lived in so I moved in with my friend Kassi for the summer before my Senior year.

That summer brought a lot of tragedy with my best friend, David and an abortion. I wound up pregnant at 17 and was forced by Kassi’s mom to tell my mom. After that I lost trust and respect for her. I started being disrespectful and ungrateful. Soon after that I got kicked out of her house and was homeless. I moved into a shelter for about 4 months and continued to go to school. I went from job to job trying to get enough money to survive. David supported me as much as he could. He took me to school and to work, every time I needed something he would get it for me.

In February 03, I finally found a roommate situation and moved out of the shelter. I lived there until I graduated high school. David and I had decided to go in with a couple friends of ours and get an apartment. We moved in together in May. I finally found a job that I liked at Radio Shack.

At some point after I turned 18, we all decided to go to this strip club called “Deja Vu”. It was a Wednesday night and amateur night to boost. I decided well hell what could it hurt to try it out? I loved it and decided it would be my night job.

In June, David lost his job so I was paying our entire portion of the rent and bills. At this point I felt so bad about the abortion the year before that I was begging to have a baby with him. We tried about 3 times and I got pregnant. I had to quit dancing and he had to find a job to cover what income we lost.

November of 03, brought the military and my marriage to David. We did the court house thing and just signed the papers. He went to basic training for the Air Force and I moved to my moms, back in Del Norte. I stayed with her and Papa until David graduated Basic and then followed him to tech school in Mississippi.

In April 04, Jorin was born and we were stationed in Jacksonville, AR. About 4 months after Jorin was born I wanted yet another baby and Xander was conceived and born in May 05. Along the lines David and I drifted apart and I started looking for love in other places. That’s when I found Matt!


Our Love Languages

For months now Matt has been saying that he is missing the affection that I used to give him. I finally figured out what happened and why that has been an issue. His love languages are *Physical Touch* & *Acts of Service* and mine are *Words of Affirmation* & *Quality Time* I thought I would just share what these mean and leave a link on the bottom for everyone to see what their *Love Language* is. There were 30 questions and the highest score that you can get in one category is 12.

These are my actual Love Language Scores:
~ 12 Words of Affirmation
~ 9 Quality Time
~ 6 Physical Touch
~ 3 Acts of Service
~ Undefined Receiving Gifts – (In other words gifts mean almost nothing to me!!!)

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman:

~ Words of Affirmation – Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

~ Quality Time – In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there, with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby, makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

~ Receiving Gifts – Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous, so would the absence of everyday gestures.

~ Acts of Service – Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

~ Physical Touch – This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face, they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

All Is Right Again…

I woke about 1am to the beeping sound of my baby monitor telling me the base was off. The power had gone out 3-5 minutes earlier. It was dark in the house and in light of the robbery and then someone stealing stuff from my truck about a week ago I haven’t been feeling too safe where we live. (We will be moving!!!) It wasn’t long until the power kicked back on so I very slowly made my way down the hall to Gavin’s room, all the while freaking out, to find all was in order. I turned the baby monitor back on and came back to bed.
A few minutes later, just as I was getting back to sleep something fell somewhere in the house and I jumped a mile high. Matt got up and checked everything out with lights and came back assuring me all was fine. He pulled me up close and held me tight and once again …
All Is Right In My Lil’ World!!!

Post Coming Soon

This house has been a mad house. There has been so much going on. Lots of group activities, Matt, Gavin and I have been sick, all sorts of household stuff to get done, lots of State and Doctor’s appointments as well. I have not had a chance to get it all on paper/ in blog posts yet but I will try to get every one updated soon!!!