Today at church I felt the Holy Spirit move in my heart the way I used to when I was a teenager. I have only felt that one other time since I stopped truly listening to the my heart and allowed my addiction to take over my life. It is the best feeling in the world when I feel that I am fully surrendering my heart and my will to God. I can’t remember the last time I felt like I was really living the way God intended me to live. I know I am human and that I will make mistakes but at least now I know I am going in the right direction.
After service Matt and I had one of our marriage sessions with our pastor. I have been struggling with what a Christian marriage looks like especially when it concerns submission. I have given so many people so much control over my life in the past but it hasn’t always been in the right context. I have allowed others to control and abuse me thinking it was love. I have since learned through recovery that it is in fact abuse and not love to let someone control my every thought and decision. I am my own person and I finally understand now that I am to submit to Matt’s leadership of our family only when it lines up with the Bible. If we both agree about which direction to take our family then I will follow his lead. I also understand now that if we are battling about which direction to go, as long as his choice is biblical, that I may need to submit to the choice he makes.
After we talked about marriage and submission we talked about our love languages. As we were sitting there discussing them all of a sudden he was showering me with all kinds of praise. I was so moved by his words and his obvious affection and love for me I started to cry! I can’t tell you how much it meant to me to hear him say the things he said about me and to know he thinks so highly of me!